How to Heal Abandonment Wounds: Regulate Before You Reason

Do you feel anxious when you can't control how close someone is to you? Do you find yourself over-functioning in relationships to prevent loss, or withdrawing preemptively to avoid being hurt? These aren't character flaws—they're symptoms of an abandonment wound. In this transformative episode of the Reforged Podcast, licensed professional counselor and somatic therapist Scott Austin Martin reveals that abandonment isn't just about someone leaving—it's about what your body felt in that moment: "I'm not safe when I'm alone." This sensation becomes an unconscious operating system that replays through adulthood, creating anxiety, hypervigilance, shame spirals, and dependency patterns. But here's the key insight: you can't talk a limbic wound out of panic. You have to start with the body. Scott shares the multi-layered healing process that addresses abandonment at its root, including somatic practices that teach your body that "aloneness does not equal annihilation." In this episode, you will learn: - How to identify if you have an abandonment wound and its key symptoms - Why you must "regulate before you reason" when healing trauma - Specific somatic techniques: parasympathetic breathing, EFT tapping, and grounding touch - How to reframe the internal story: "They left because of their capacity, not my worth" - The practice of reparenting your inner child without trying to "fix" them - How to build earned security and end the loop of chasing reassurance - The difference between boundaries that protect vs. boundaries that punish - A powerful meditation phrase for daily practice Scott explains that healing happens through new relational experiences where you learn to stay connected while feeling the fear, allowing your brain to rewire for trust. The goal isn't to eliminate the fear of abandonment, but to learn that you can regulate and return to safety. This episode provides both the understanding and practical tools needed to transform your relationship with aloneness and build genuine security from within. Connect with The Authentic Masculinity Project: ➡️ Get The Mask Book mentioned in this episode to identify your core wounds: https://a.co/d/3bPbYvl ➡️ Visit the Website: Beingherenow.com